I've spent a good amount of time, trying to figure out what my role here is.
What I'm supposed to do. What I was born to do. I know that it's always been linked to helping others, but the question had always been - helping who? And...how?
In my previous vocational roles, and within my own business, I'd worked with the disadvantaged, the lost, the down-and-out, the desperate and the struggling. And for a number of years, it always seemed to revolve around career, employment and life purpose. But the disconnection between myself and my career/business, began when I realised I was working with the wrong people.
I was trying to lead, and guide the way, for those that were fixated on fear; compliantly kowtowing to societal hierarchies and roles; with a passive, unquestioning, obedience in following the herd. They were unwilling to shift. They were after quick fixes, tie-overs and bandaids - not transformation. My impatience grew stronger, every time they openly admitted that they were dissatisfied with the way things were - but immediately identified as being stuck in the consciousness that 'that's just the way it was...'
For a long time I believed it was my role to help these particular people - to 'wake up the sheep'. If those walking the treadmill of life - in a dazed, routined, coma - could just SEE what the world was really like, what they were really capable of, what they were missing out on (and what lies were being fed to them) - they would find ultimate happiness! And the world would be a better place for it. If I could just...
But the more I pushed with this - the more it resisted and slid away. No matter what I said, which way I said it, what mind-blowing documentary I threw their way, what statistics and facts I presented, how much love I sprinkled on top of it - they. would. not. budge. It appeared to me as stubbornness at its finest. Their heels dug in even further. I felt the energy of them starting to resent me. I got upset and frustrated. How could they not SEE?! I started to even feel sorry for these people. So I pulled back, and into my shell. Slowly starting to even doubt myself.
And then it hit me!
My responsibility was not to wake anyone up - my role was to connect with the people that had awoken. Connect with these people, who were stumbling around in a new pulsating energy, just like I had been - and help them figure out what they were supposed to do with this new found knowledge! My responsibility was to keep reminding them that they had reconnected to their native intelligence. They were on the right path, no matter how weird and unfamiliar it felt. My job was to continue to grow, nurture, cultivate, encourage and foster the higher consciousness movement!
I'd received millions of guided messages along the lines of;
- 'the only person you can save is yourself'
- 'only you can make the changes in your own life'
- and I've always 100% agreed with this guidance flowing in. It sat absolutely true with me. But, you know how language is so bloody beautiful - in that it can be read, written, perceived and translated in a hundred different ways? Well, thats what had been happening. I had been listening, in a sense - but not in the way I was supposed to be hearing it.
Of course, I could only save myself. But, the struggle I had been battling with myself (the 'how do I utilise this new knowledge and awakened insights?') had been the underlying theme the whole time - it just needed to be targeted at a different audience. If I could figure it out, or make some sort of progress on this, to honour my own life purpose, then I'd be able to help others that were feeling the same. NOT the ones that weren't.
Self transformation first. Others second - by example.
The people I'd been working with were a few steps behind, not yet out of the shadows. Not quite ready - but not in any way inferior or more unintelligent or naive. They just hadn't reached that part of their journey yet. They had certain roles to play; and although I had difficulty in initially releasing the resentment that they were (seemingly) contributing to the fear-based-institutional-realities of the world (I had so increasingly come to dislike) - they were a key piece in that puzzle for now. Just as I was at one point in time.
(And as I write this, I realise what an egotistical approach I had! Who assigned me that almighty role? It did not sit right with me at all now!)
So instead of being frustrated or sad - I was now excited for them! Because I knew what lay ahead of them! Initial Awakening was probably the best part of it al! All the 'ah-ha moments', the feeling of wonder and discovery and rebirth! The absolute thirst for knowledge! How could I rush that for them? Take that learning experience away? (Who did I think I was?!) It was all good. We'd meet up, down the track. And I was more certain, now, that they were definitely heading down the right path. Just in a different time and space to me.
Anyhow, it was that contrast I always talked about. You can't have awakening, without being asleep first. You can't have a sudden rush of high vibrational energy, flowing within you and exuding from you - without first being dormant and numb. So, in figuring out how to 'save myself', it was also my role to 1. leave the others alone, to get there themselves and 2. connect with my kindred spirits through the sharing of my own 'figuring out'.
These like minded souls (that were feeling the same sorts of 'what do I with all of this?', 'I want to help, but don't know how?!') sat on the very perch I was on.
I knew that we needed to shift this energy around. No more questioning our responsibility, no more fearing that others will judge us, or crucify us. (We live in different times, and it's taken me a long time to realise that.) No more self destruction out of guilt or disappointment, that we weren't fulfilling our Lightworker destiny. Deep down we know we have the gifts that can make a large, positive, contribution to the world - yet we're so unsure of how to implement them, that we just haven't been doing anything. Trying to figure it out, for sure. But not getting anywhere substantial. Not like we know we can, and should.
And being paralysed by the fear that we may, so easily, slip back into the old ways of the world. The ways we had already discovered weren't for us.
This was on the brink of being likened to another awakening!
Everything I'd been asking for guidance around, had suddenly appeared to me - seconds before writing this blog. It was SO blooming obvious now (as it always seems to be in hindsight!) I needed to hold this space - for myself, and for others. I needed to initiate harnessing the energy of all of those that HAD awakened. (And writing this again, my heart is bursting and singing with joy. As I always say, this is when you know…)
I had to connect with these people! They were feeling just like I was! We needed to collectively contribute our higher consciousness, our awareness, our perspective - as a unified group. Yet through our individual contributions. My skill (that I had identified could potentially be the contribution in it all), was kicking it all off! I've come to realise that I'm pretty OK at instigating, initiating and motivating.
There was no one that needed to be saved, there was just an energy we needed to grow, combine and radiate - through our human actions, gifts and skills. We needed to pool our collective consciousness. Our Light. Our Dharma!
Of course, there went my ego. 'Yeah, but how?' (And the 'M' word - money.) I know, well and truly, from working with this energy for some years - that the 'how' is not up to me. The how will organically and gradually unfold; as I take each guided step. My job is, though, to get it out there and show up. This, I hadn't been doing. And it was time to move forward with conviction - to wherever I was guided to go. Leaving the Ego behind.
It was all well and good to share newfound information with others.
That, I had been doing. And it had its place. But what were we going to do with that information? I know, first hand, that those that have had the veil lifted; are thirsty for new age knowledge, reconnection to ancient wisdom and have a yearning to transform and ascend their thinking. Yet; they also hold a burning desire, inside of them, to make a change in the world via this. The next step was what was holding us back.
It had been holding me back.
Yes, it's that old saying, you can't know something until you know something. So when we 'know it', understand, comprehend and totally get it - what then? That part has often lead me to isolation and loneliness. I'd been hiding amongst the shadows, scared to come out - because I'd been unable to figure out what to do with all of this. I was not fulfilling some sort of obligation, that I instinctively knew I had agreed to play out. I didn't know where to turn...
- No one understands this.
- Who would I ever be able to ask about this?
- Who would get it?
But what we dismiss, is our energy. Our vibration - when 'we're on'. We can attract and inspire and motivate others, to great heights - when we're on that frequency. It's a high! It's so natural, and flowing, and amazing! We could move mountains! Why would we shut this off? Why wouldn't we want to expand that? Expand the force field of this vibe raising?! No more channelling messages from Source, indiscreetly, through general conversation and particularly clever wording. (I've become a pro at that!) We needed to own it!
We're wired to understand that this raising of energy has enormous impact on ourselves, our inner and outer circles, our neighbourhood, our community, our suburb, our state, our country - our world. We know this. We recognise this power. We feel this energy. So why are we limiting ourselves, looking around to others for advice, making role models out of people that we are far beyond - and trying to convince those that are not ready to be convinced?!
I'm not quite sure, but I do know - its time.
Time to gather as the kindred spirits we are - reconnect, after the world has separated us.
- Hold the space together.
- Assemble our toolbox.
- Raise our vibrations together.
- Fulfil the contract that we made.
- Lose the fear and blocks and distractions - and focus on our responsibility.
The responsibility of keeping our energy in tune. For it impacts far greater than ourselves. And we have a job to do. The data collection phase is complete - we now have to 'be it'. We've unlearnt, we've remembered, we've dropped the falsities that were once our belief systems - so it's time to take the next step...