Here Comes The Sun: Preparing for the Birth of Hunter Kye
Pregnancy has brought a lot of questions around how I prepared for Sage’s Natural Hypno Homebirth, and if/how I’m trying to plan for, and recreate, that experience for the birth of our baby boy.
As far as sharing the tools I’ve used, my personal experience and the training I’ve done,
I feel a responsibility within me to do that. Because someone shared them with me, and on goes the generational passing down of (fear removed) self experienced wisdom...
But the planning part...
Well that’s for Mother Nature to decide.
I trust in her, with patience and confidence. My labour will be, what is labelled as, spontaneous.
Just as my body was able to conceive our baby, grow and nurture our baby - it will also birth my baby.
But anything more on the 'how' - well it's two pronged.
There isn't much to plan, but there is a lot to prepare:
The mind, the body, the emotions and the soul. Not all the other 'stuff' that we are falsely sold since birthing went from something women knew how to do, to something we're now 'taught'.
But (and I speak her on behalf of myself and every other woman that finds it hard to find their voice around this) my plans around how I will birth my Son are privileged, private and sacred information. And just as we did for Sage's birth, our plans are just that - ours.
What is the need to know basis that arises when a pregnant woman carries a child.
When did it become normalised that her business became everybody's business?
Adding pressure, publicly discussing expectations or trying to control a situation that my female body needs to be completely surrendering within - would be counterproductive.
You can now probably see why a hospital setting does not create that space for me. But of course I am completely grateful that we live in a privileged time, in a privileged country - that I can count on this structure to support me should the small chance of an emergency arise during birth (less than 5% of women when there are no unnecessary interventions introduced). And I would never take that for granted.
Yet, receiving feedback (requested or not) around the way I choose to birth my babies is not an open forum.
And should be the case for every pregnant Mama! Unfortunately when a woman becomes pregnant, she becomes the topic of open discussion, opinion, criticism, questioning and advice. And maybe it stems from the traditional 'a village raises a child' lineage - but most of us are so far removed from this as an authentic way of life, that it comes across with little of the original intent.
So, as I did before, I do the energy work myself, tap in, tune in - and then take the guided action from there.
I’m committed to my daily HypnoBirthing training, meditation and visualisations. I’ve nurtured myself and my Son holistically, taken the necessary steps to ensure my preferred choices are recorded (but then I don’t revisit Plan B, to keep that pathway active).
The biggest thing I can do is to stay within the highest possible vibration, in keeping in alignment with the best possible outcome for the birth of our boy.
I remove myself from conversations related to other’s experiences, when they are being imposed on me to change my mind or smother my enthusiasm - because they are their experiences, and don't have to be my own.
I disengage from the illusion that we connect on a deeper level through the continual retelling and recirculating of low vibrational stories of trauma or hardship, in an effort to create feelings of ‘normalcy’, connectedness, triumph or community - or in preparation for the unexpected/the worst.
I don’t believe pain is an ideal space to connect from and I don’t believe it serves us in the best way to engage with each other, in order to 'bring awareness' to things. I don't believe it's being a realist or sharing the truth at all. Because one person's truth does not have to be another's. Once shared, these experiences should be transformed and transmuted - not become your story, and then become You.
I block out any negative comments or remarks from those that don't believe in, or align with, my birthing choices - and block other's anxiousness, nervousness or any other non serving emotion. Because I make the choice around how I feel. We all have the power and control to determine how we feel. Nobody can make you feel anything.
I avoid (or strongly protect myself from) negativity, ego centred or aggressive behaviour, projection, competition, judgement and any situation or person that is low vibrational - in general. To hear that I was 'lucky' to birth my daughter the way I did, was common for me - yet I am conscious enough to realise this was a projection of someone else's pain - and I have no room at this precious time, to be able to carry that load for somebody else who needs to empower themselves to do their own healing.
I also choose a certain time during my pregnancy to step back and retreat into my cocoon, before the birth of my babies, and whilst most of the time this is respected, when it is not I have full strength in strengthening those boundaries. With no apologies.
That may all sound arrogant or judgmental, and at other times I would allow myself to be a vessel to help transform that energy for others - but at certain times (pregnancy especially)
I unapologetically take complete responsibility for my energy and space.
Because it's not just my own at that point - there is another life residing within me.
And ALL women should be respected and able to do exactly this. To be able to intrinsically follow their bodies, their babies and what nature is asking them to do. To protect their space without anyone else being offended or hurt.
I also answer questions lightly.
Especially around the ‘guess date’ - it’s not a due date, because that includes a schedule or feelings of early/late/rush. A due date can induce fear and doubt and questions, when it was never a certainty anyway.
"Before drug companies made gestation calculating wheels and gave them, with their brand names emblazoned on them, to all the doctors to use; before ultrasonic scans were used to measure bone length of babies in the womb to match that with the length of the average and then estimate gestation age; before electricity dominated the rhythms of our lives, when women ovulated on the full moon - a woman marked the progress of her pregnancy according to the turnings of the moon. Her baby would be born in the tenth moon from her last blood. Birth can be trusted." - Jane Hardwicke Collings
Plus - doesn’t a sense of wonder related to the unknown feel so much better than control.
Control stemming from fear?
I also aim to completely escape the societal fear around pregnancy and birth and the encouragement of not trusting in our own bodies and in not taking deeply connected, self directed, empowered care of ourselves. And I completely disregard the notion that birth is dangerous. It should be respected.
But for me it is much closer to Life, than Death.
The basis of this mindset for me, stems from the foundations of my HypnoBirthing Training - as a Mama and a Facilitator. I undertook this training (no, not just read the book) because i was deeply fearful of birthing. I undertook this training because i was told as early as a teen, that I would never be able to birth naturally - if at all, due to my severe Scoliosis.
Hypnobirthing is not just about the removal of fear. It is deeply rooted in the ancient wisdom of being built to birth as a woman. In the ancient wisdom that pregnancy and birth complications are the absolute minority, but have somehow become the majority.
77% of HypnoBirthing mothers who birthed vaginally did so without epidural anesthesia - I birthed drug free.
45% of HypnoBirthing mothers birthed in under eight hours - My birth was 5 hours long with Sage
17% of HypnoBirthing mothers birthed via C-section, compared with the national average of 32% - I birthed vaginally.
9.5% of HypnoBirthing mothers chose to birth in the comfort of their homes (national average is less than 1%) - I birthed at home.
6% of HypnoBirthing mothers chose to birth in freestanding birth centres (national average is less than 1%) - I had a spot at a low intervention Birthing Centre with Sage as a back up, available to Mothers who had a low risk pregnancy.
(Data provided by HypnoBirthing Institute, between 2005-2010)
How else am I preparing?
I get in sync with the natural rhythms, season and cycles.
I also work from the ground up, when it comes to empowering myself with knowledge, rather than work backwards from the ‘structures’ already in place. I don’t fight the current system, reject it or create a birth plan around choosing the opposite of conventional.
I connect with the ‘ground roots’ and work upwards with a simplification attitude
- from the foundation of what my body was built to do, with little intervention; and add on whatever else is needed - if it is. And this is where the Down to Earth Birth Book comes in. It should be a Bible for expectant Mamas.
Someone once said to me after Sage’s birth that I was a Warrior. Although I know it was intended as a compliment and said with love - it didn’t sit right with me at all.
I felt I embodied the opposite.
I didn’t fight for anything. I didn’t draw on the Ego or Masculine within me for strength. And I definitely didn’t physically ‘push’ my body. I let my body do it for me. I was allowed the time and space and safety to do so. I let my baby decide how it was all going to unfold. I released energy through primal moans and sighs.
I embodied the open, receptive, trusting, confident nature of the feminine.
Naked. Raw. Seeking support when I needed it, but being completely empowered in going within for strength. Drawing on my own ability to be in my own space and do it on my own too.
Although there was certainty, I was a student of the experience.
And will be again.
Whenever we believe we as humans have more understanding of the way the infinite intelligence of creation and nature unfolds - we become completely disconnected from the Magick that it’s trying to weave around us. We completely lose touch with our opportunity to ‘BEarth’. (The most amazing term I’ve heard yet, created by my @doulatrish - that I’m so grateful to journey with!)
In re-reading this, I noticed there are a lot of “I’s”, which I usually try to avoid when writing - but I know now that this was significant. For you can only share and affect change from a place of direct experience. For you are the only one that can birth your baby, Mama. For you are the one that knows best and cares the most for your body and your baby.
For you are more intelligent, in touch with, invested in and knowledgeable in pregnancy, birth and Mamahood than what you've been led to believe.
More than anyone else on the planet, no matter their qualifications.
There is a real problem in our culture when Medical Professional (in all areas - the body, the mind, etc) have taken far too much responsibility and credit for the outcomes of the service we have asked to engage in. Their role is to provide a service - the outcome is our responsibility, based on our choices, empowered in the knowledge that we hold full accountability for ourselves. And it should always remain that way. This has been stripped away, but it's our time to claim our SELVES back.